Yes, they were watching TV, but it was still the sweetest moment. November 2012
One moment, they are snuggled so sweetly on the couch together.
The next moment, they’re grabbing toys from each other, making each other cry.
One moment, Elan and I are playing chess, and he’s telling me so earnestly about his day.
The next moment, he’s screaming on the floor.
One moment, we’re having a nice family dinner (I suppose it happens for at least a moment weekly).
The next moment, Emry is putting chicken in his water, dumping pasta on the ground and flinging yogurt squeezers.
No one decides to have children because they’re looking forward to the inevitable 2 a.m. throw-up, or disciplining, or potty training. But those are inevitably part of the whole, just as much (and possibly more frequent) than the moments when your 2-year-old suddenly turns to you and says, “I wuv you, Mama” or your 6-year-old somewhat accidentally tells you, “You’re awesome.”
We decide to become parents out of sheer love, hope, along a healthy dose of denial (my kid will NEVER have a tantrum in the supermarket!). Deciding to become a parent is a truly optimistic act. But sometimes I feel like parenting 2 young children is an endless slog of wiping up tantrums and crusty old food. I find that I am steeling myself against shrieks and whines, tension in my shoulders, waiting for the next melt-down, wishing I could escape from the chaos and hear myself think.
This up and down, sweet and sour dance of parenthood is something I imagine every parent experiences. I’m starting to think that how we weigh the sweet moments and the sour ones in our mind, the level of attention we allow ourselves to pay to each type of experience, dictates how we feel about parenthood, how much we enjoy or don’t enjoy being a parent. I look at some of my friends whose parenting I most admire, and it seems to me that they let the sour slide off them. They accept that it’s a necessary part of the whole (all 2-year-olds will have temper tantrums), they might get annoyed or flustered or exhausted in the moment, but they don’t hold on to it. They don’t stew in it.
Something to remind myself of when I find myself thinking – or saying – these kids are driving me crazy!
Let the sour slide off me. Focus on the sweet. It’s there, if I keep my eyes open to it.
