Yesterday I spent a lot of time thinking and writing about what kinds of habits or practices I could put in place that will support my vision of myself as a writer. Immediately I thought of Morning Pages, a classic tool for artists of all stripes from Julia Cameron of The Artist's Way. I last did Morning Pages regularly many years ago, when I was living in San Francisco and trying to decide if I wanted to go to a M.F.A. program for creative writing. As soon as I thought of the idea, I rejected it as not possible. My mornings are not my own, I thought. They're run by the 3-year-old dictator in the house.But then I thought some more: what if I could spend a little time every morning establishing my identity as a writer? I already have a lot of morning practices that reinforce my identity as a mother. In fact, I've been feeling just a tad bit resentful lately about my son's early morning tendencies to wake up too early and then fuss a lot, as if someone forced him to get up by ... more
This is not the post I was going to write tonight.I was going to have a nice relaxing evening to myself while Mikhail was at soccer, and I was going to write a post about... well, you'll have to wait to see what that one was going to be about, because my evening was hijacked by my 3.5-year-old. Who has been in bed for two hours, and is still screaming.The stories I could tell about sleep and Elan! Blood-curdling tales that would scare off any sane person from parenthood. However, ... more
I think this picture actually makes me look smaller than I am. Or smaller than I feel at least. But look - I'm smiling! Though I'm still not feeling fantastic, it is such a relief to be better.We spent Memorial Day weekend camping on a farm and hanging out with friends north of Davis, California. My friend Janna is about 7 weeks ahead of me, pregnancy-wise. While our children played, our bumps were getting to know each other. I like how it looks like mine is pointing at hers.Meanwhile, ... more
Photos snapped seconds apart in time.We've been having an up and down time with Elan lately. On the one hand, he is completely delightful, interacting in new ways with us, with language, with music, focus, imagination, making up stories that always seem to feature the line "suddenly, a storm came!" And on the other hand, he is impossibly difficult, fighting us over every little thing, turning a simple request into an epic power struggle and exhausting Mikhail and me with his defiance.Tomorrow he turns 3 and a half, ... more
A long-overdue update...* I made it to the second trimester! I am now in my 17th week, which seems kind of amazing. A few weeks ago, the nausea improved about 10%, and now I think I've made another 10% jump. It's definitely not where I hoped I'd be by this time, but it is nice to feel some improvement. * With a corresponding slight improvement in my energy, I suddenly notice how disorganized and chaotic my life and house are. However, I'm still pretty worn-out, recovering from various colds and ... more
I notice my writing on this blog is getting less creative (notice the title of this post). I blame it all on the tiny creature sucking all the energy out of me. But the good news is that we had an ultrasound this week, and the tiny creature is doing great! He's actually a lot cuter now than he was four and a half weeks ago too. (No, we don't know the sex, I'm just picking a pronoun here.) I was extremely anxious leading up to this ultrasound. This was ... more
We came down to San Diego to spend a week in the sunshine. Unfortunately the pregnancy-sickness has continued unabated. In fact, it might be worse now than a few weeks ago. It starts as soon as I eat breakfast now, so there is pretty much no time of day that I feel okay. Last night I came as close to actually throwing up as I have all pregnancy. It came over me suddenly as I was getting ready for bed - heaving of the stomach, cold sweats and all. But ... more
My birthday was last month. It appears that Elan takes after me: love of chocolate has officially been selected from the gene pool. Except I am neater about how much ends up on my face. Though if you were at our wedding, which featured chocolate cake, you might disagree.
It's muddy around here, and not just because of the recent storms. Our schedules are all haywire and out-of-whack. A husband working the phones and the resume, looking for a job. A 3-year-old with a 102.9 fever and a gnarly cough who can't sleep past 5:15 in the morning and is trying to give up his nap. A woman who's trying to finish the rough draft of a screenplay for a big meeting in a week, apply for jobs in a way she hasn't for YEARS, and do all the ... more
6:45 a.m. Mikhail and I are lounging in bed, savoring the last few moments of half-sleep. Elan climbs out of bed, where he's been snuggling with us, swipes my cell phone off the nightstand and retreats into the hallway. We hear him pushing the numbers, a favorite pasttime. Then: "Hi." I think he is pretending to talk on the phone, and wait for him to start addressing Dory.But then: quiet, as if he is listening. Listening intently. I think I hear a woman's tinny voice. No, I must be imagining ... more
Today, at 3 years and 3 days old, Elan peed in the potty for the very first time! Anyone who is not a parent is not obligated to feel any excitement at all over this news.