People ask how Elan is adjusting to being a big brother.

It’s a hard question to answer. He loves his baby brother.

And sometimes wants to bonk him.


Emry is fascinated by his big brother.
And sometimes alarmed by him.

It’s complicated and ever-changing, as I assume it will be for the rest of their lives.


Both Mikhail and I have had moments of sadness for Elan as he struggles through this, the biggest transition of his life thus far. Learning to share the most precious thing: the love and attention of his parents. I have compassion for how monumental this is for him, even as I sometimes feel frustrated that he won’t be more careful around the baby, or angry when he acts out toward him with aggression (Elan pokes, then quickly covers his ears as Emry starts to wail).

And yet I know in my core that this gift of a sibling is the best gift we, his parents, could ever give Elan. Someday they will be not only playmates but allies, with a connection apart from the vagaries of friendship. And whether they’re fighting or playing nicely, living in the same house or seeing each other only a few times a year, as they grow, they’ll always have each other — that common history, the irrevocable bond that is family.
And in the meantime, they’ll toughen each other up.


No babies or big boys were harmed in the making of these pictures.